Marriage is Difficult!

 

Marriage is difficult! Anyone who has ever been married (and is honest) will admit that being married to someone takes a great deal of patience, compassion, selflessness, and sacrifice. As mortals, we are naturally more concerned about ourselves and our own needs. Mosiah 3:19 says, “For the natural man is an enemy to God, and has been from the fall of Adam, and will be forever and ever…” Being married requires us to overcome the natural tendencies we have and to put the needs and desires of our spouse first.

I recall a time in my marriage when we had only been together for a few months. It was my desire that we spend some time together on this one particular evening, but my husband had a different idea about how he wanted to spend his evening. My husband wanted to sit around playing his video games instead. We began arguing about who deserved to “get their way” and it erupted into a screaming match. I became furious at his stubbornness and the fact that he would not yield to my wants was infuriating. Eventually, I stormed out of the room and locked myself in my bedroom.

After about twenty minutes my husband came to the door of the bedroom and began trying to smooth things over with me. He said he was sorry and that he realized that there were going to be times in our lives when he was going to have to give up what he wanted in order to help me have what I wanted. While I had been alone thinking in the bedroom I had realized the very same thing. Sometimes we should give up what we want to accommodate our spouses. We both learned a tremendously valuable lesson together that night and in the end, we decided to compromise and play video games together so that he could do what he wanted, play video games, and I could do what I wanted, spend time with him.

In the book Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage, H. Wallace Goddard says, “As we turn our hearts to God, they will be opened to our partners. Turning to our partner’s requires us to worry a little less about our own needs.” I know this to be true. I have seen God opening our hearts to one another many times during our 21 years of marriage. We have learned how to worry about our own needs a little less. God wants us to succeed and when we ask for His help, He will show us our partner through His eyes.

As I sat alone in my bedroom that night, I was praying for help from God. I wanted a marriage where love and selflessness would bring our hearts together. My husband was praying as well while he sat alone in the living room. God spoke to our hearts and helped our two hearts become one and we each put our spouse's needs first that night. As I have continued to look for ways to help my husband, to show him I appreciate and care about him, we have come together and our relationship has grown stronger. I also notice when he has put my needs above his own and I appreciate the daily sacrifices he makes for me.